My dreams have always been vivid, often foretelling, and insightful. Never have I taken my dreams for granted. I recall sharing my dreams with my mother at the breakfast table, and eventually writing them down in order to understand the inner workings of my psyche and my emotional body. Our dreams have the ability to purge our emotions, to quietly heal us, and to give us clarity. If we take the time to honor our dreams, they can liberate us from the waking life situations that we tend to take so seriously.
Our culture does two things that stifle us spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. One of them is that we don’t integrate our nighttime dream world into our waking world, and the other is that we don’t prepare for, or celebrate, death. We tend to ignore both of these vital occurrences which we all have in this human experience. This is such a shame. I’m so grateful that my mother (who passed away in 2015) taught me to honor my dreams. She was also a vivid dreamer. Later in life, we often called each other whenever we had epic dreams. She was great at interpreting mine, and vice versa. I recall one dream I had that directly told me to ask my mom for the meaning.
It’s so interesting that on the dawn of the Day of Resurrection, I had a dream that my mother was alive. In the dream, I told her all about the experiences we had while she was dying. Her fifty-seven-year-old body was plagued with Cancer. Her doctor prescribed Morphine to control her pain. She was in a lot of pain, and I recall being concerned that her dosage wasn’t right. I kept on top of her dosages, and told my family that I didn’t think we were giving her enough, but everyone was worried about overdosing her. Finally, I talked to the Hospice nurse about how much pain she seemed to be in, and they asked how much Morphine we were giving her. Turns out that we weren’t giving her the correct dosage. She was supposed to have twice as much. In the dream, I shared this with my mom, while crying out out to her about how sad the entire experience was for all of us. After reliving the painful emotions, I woke up.
This is a perfect example of how we naturally purge our pain through the gift of our dreams. In my waking life, I literally just told my daughter how I have been dwelling on that time when my mom was sick, and how sad I still feel about some of the things we did wrong, even though we were all doing our best to make her transition comfortable and loving. None of us had any experience with caring for a human being who was dying, but we all offered our best to her. We made mistakes, and that’s okay. It’s okay that we didn’t do everything right. I need to let go of my guilt around her time of passing. My dream helped me to process my guilt.
I’ve been thinking about my dream all morning. While driving down the rode, the sun rose before me. It ignited the mountainesque landscape, and I thanked Great Spirit for my own rebirth. Years ago, I would have been getting ready for church, celebrating the resurrection of a man named Jesus. Things have changed for me. I no longer celebrate something that I wasn’t there to observe for myself, but I do celebrate my own transformation. I am aware that the story of Christ is a path that I can choose to walk. It’s a very profound and dramatic example of how we should learn to die to our egos, and to navigate from our spirits while living in this physical reality. For me, believing in someone else’s experience, did not change my experience. What transformed my life, was learning to actually walk that narrow path of Christ. To learn to love unconditionally, and to be kind and compassionate, has been more powerful than simply talking about someone else who did it (two thousand years ago). Letting go of judgement is the biggest transformation of my life. Although I am nowhere near getting over my judgement of myself and others, I am aware of my judgement now, and I am able to observe it more so than buying into it.
Over the years, I’ve dropped my need to compete with others, and found myself humble with a knowing that we are all in this together. I understand that no one is above anyone else. The hierarchy that we have all bought into, is an illusion of the human mind. These roles that people play in this reality, are merely a facade. Because I am so aware of this, I no longer have the need to prove myself to anyone. My main goal is to become the most authentic version of myself as possible. Everyday I am chipping away at old behaviors, reprogramming stagnant thought patterns that no longer serve me, and working on navigating from a loving place within myself, rather than buying into everything my mind tells me is true. Our relentless minds are the Ego. Ego is the Satan that I once used to fear. My heart is the Christ that I must surrender to. This is my understanding, and it is a powerful understanding that has made that biblical story more real to me than “believing” ever did.
Facing my mom in my dream, and sharing my pain with her was incredibly healing. Even if she is no longer with me in my waking life, her energy remains strong with me, and she often appears in my dreams. Her memory and legacy remains with me, and with everyone who was fortunate enough to know her, and with those who received love from her. The lessons she taught me will carry on through my children. Her physical death was her spiritual transcendence. I saw it all over her while she was dying. I observed the way her body withered away as her spirit flew like a butterfly from its chrysalis.
The Day of Resurrection means more to me now than it ever has. It’s a magnificent reminder that everyday I have a choice to either navigate from a limited space within myself, or to surrender into my wholeness, and to BE the LOVE that I truly Am. We do not need to experience a physical death in order to transcend this limited human body. We have the ability, right this instant, to die to our ego by not letting it rule our lives, and to recognize ego in other human beings, so that they cannot rule over our lives. The minute you tell your ego that you’re aware of it, the minute your ego becomes powerless over you.
If you grew up in church like me, you most likely know the scripture, Matthew 16:23, where Jesus told his disciple, Peter, “Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.”
If Satan is actually an entity, why would Jesus call his own disciple this horrible name? “Satan” is a title. It is not an entity. It is another word for the human ego (when it is ruling over someone). Jesus said the same thing out in the desert while he was being tempted. His mind (ego) wanted him to give into its fears. He told it to “Get behind me Satan.” He understood that he had power over his own fleshly desires. When the concerns of man are more important to you than the natural laws of the universe, you can bet that you are navigating from your ego.
The ego is the fear in our bodies which believes it is protecting us, yet it is actually limiting us, and essentially destroying us. For me, this Day of Resurrection is a time of renewal from the darkness of my fears (or winter), into the fruition of my spirit (or spring). It is about moving out of the limited space of ego into the abundance of our hearts. Your ego has a limited perspective. Your heart has a boundless understanding. If you don’t believe this to be true, ask yourself how you can experience LOVE when you cannot explain it? Ego needs to prove its existence, while Spirit merely yearns for experience.
“Choose ye this day whom you will serve…”