When people enter my canopy to receive a Tarot reading, they are generally asking for understanding or direction that they are unable to see. Through images and symbols, the cards reveal an energetic realm of reality beyond the obvious one. It never ceases to amaze me how children are drawn to my tent. They are the seers of the quiet reality of imagination, play, spirit, and the richness of presence that we have forgotten as adults because we are so caught up in the dramas of physical reality. Children navigate with unadulterated intuition, and they feel the energetic difference of my Tarot space, which is why they stop and ask me (or their parents) what I’m doing, and often want a reading.
As Adults, demanded to play the game of physical reality, we lose our insight, which is why connecting with children is a bridge to our soul, and the Tarot is a wonderful tool to reveal that which we cannot see. The symbols and poetry that derive from a spread is a reminder to feel our way through life and to recall the big picture, or the spiritual picture of our lives, which is the quiet influence beyond our day-to-day happenings.
I just spent a year of my life unfortunately being caught up in the messy dynamics of physical reality. What brought it on was being slammed into grief after my mother’s passing. For my entire life, I’ve been aware of the big picture beyond the details of daily dramas, and I’ve generally held a graceful position in messy situations knowing that I can move energy by taking a stance beyond the obvious plights. For example, in the dynamics of competition and jealousy, I was able to maintain my wholeness, and avoid getting caught up into the web of dramas. By me knowing who I am, and not feeding into people’s (or my own) insecurities, I have observed messy situations either dissipate quickly, or witnessed them expand into something beautiful, and nonconforming to common outcomes.
Throughout my life I’ve often assisted people in seeing the bigger picture without the use of Tarot cards, and made it my own practice to see beyond the obvious in order to manipulate (which isn’t the best word to use here) heavy energy into something lighter and more fluid, resulting in magical results. So when my mom passed away, and I felt physical reality clamp down on me like the jaws of a wretched beast, my spiritual knowing went out the window. Stuck within the confining labyrinth of my mind, I was unable to maintain my ability to see past the obvious. It’s like a steel wall came between me and my power to reach for the quiet world beyond this one. I was haunted within the walls of my own limited thinking, and it’s taken me nearly two years to get beyond it.
I can see again now, which is relieving (to say the very least), but I’m still ashamed of the way I handled my life during that heavy time. It was tormenting to believe in my fears so fiercely that I behaved from that limited space, which was damaging and terribly draining. I literally lost myself. To be back in my wholeness again, after such a dreadful hiatus, is very grounding. Plus there were lessons learned, and old traumas I faced, so it wasn’t an experience of complete failure. It actually reminded me of my own humanness, which a humble experience of understanding that I’m not beyond this world. I’m right up in it… and thank Goddess. I wouldn’t want to be here without contrast and darkness for my own personal growth. There was a consciousness expansion in all of this – for sure – but it was a terribly tumultuous way to wake up, and I hope to not go through that again, because believing in the realm of physical reality without insight into the spiritual reality is like being in prison. You’re facing time in your own mind, which is hell.
Even using the Tarot during that time did not assist me into the greater picture of my life. I could read for other people, but all I saw for myself was whatever was occurring right in front of me. The cards were one-dimensional. I believe my own soul must have cut me off from its Source, perhaps to wake me up in a way I’ve never been able to wake up before because I was so hyper-aware of the spiritual realm. Even in my days of drug and alcohol use, I couldn’t get away from Spirit. I often had out of body experiences, and rich insights through dreaming that I couldn’t drown out. Whatever this experience was where I was so disconnected, was a deliberate act on the part of my higher-self. At least, I feel it was. Who knows for certain? But the bottom line is that I took the journey willingly. I knew I was just going through something, although completely in the dark, and I drudged through it like a prisoner swimming through sewage, moving toward their freedom.
It’s important that we remind ourselves in painful situations, that we are moving forward. Life continues on even when we feel stagnant. No matter what I’ve been through, I’ve always come out on the other side of it with rich insight, deeper understanding, and intense emotional and spiritual growth, because I know my life here is a temporary experience where my soul is expanding and expressing itself through the limitations of this reality, so I’m always having that experience. I know what this place represents for me, but when it feels so real that you can’t claw your way out of your fear, try to relinquish the need to be somewhere else than where you are. Allow your fear to consume you for a while. Express it if you have to, like I did, even though it’s not a graceful way to be, because the way out of fear is shining a light on it, rather than buying into it or resisting it.
If you ever get into this confining space that I was in, or if you feel like you have lived your life believing that physical reality is REAL, rather than knowing that it is an illusion, then there are tools for you to bring you back to Spirit. Children are a bridge. The Tarot is a beautiful tool. There are spiritual guides all around us, including nature. Tap in. Reach out. Recall the deeper truths of this dense space that demands you of your time and resources. This is your life, and your opportunity to wake up to your soul journey while you are here. Don’t get stuck in the dramas of physical reality, or you’re completely missing out on the magic of your greater existence.