A Silent World Within an Obvious One

Silent World

When people enter my canopy to receive a Tarot reading, they are generally asking for understanding or direction that they are unable to see.  Through images and symbols, the cards reveal an energetic realm of reality beyond the obvious one.  It never ceases to amaze me how children are drawn to my tent.  They are the seers of the quiet reality of imagination, play, spirit, and the richness of presence that we have forgotten as adults because we are so caught up in the dramas of physical reality.  Children navigate with unadulterated intuition, and they feel the energetic difference of my Tarot space, which is why they stop and ask me (or their parents) what I’m doing, and often want a reading.

As Adults, demanded to play the game of physical reality, we lose our insight, which is why connecting with children is a bridge to our soul, and the Tarot is a wonderful tool to reveal that which we cannot see.  The symbols and poetry that derive from a spread is a reminder to feel our way through life and to recall the big picture, or the spiritual picture of our lives, which is the quiet influence beyond our day-to-day happenings.

I just spent a year of my life unfortunately being caught up in the messy dynamics of physical reality.  What brought it on was being slammed into grief after my mother’s passing.  For my entire life, I’ve been aware of the big picture beyond the details of daily dramas, and I’ve generally held a graceful position in messy situations knowing that I can move energy by taking a stance beyond the obvious plights.  For example, in the dynamics of competition and jealousy, I was able to maintain my wholeness, and avoid getting caught up into the web of dramas.  By me knowing who I am, and not feeding into people’s (or my own) insecurities, I have observed messy situations either dissipate quickly, or witnessed them expand into something beautiful, and nonconforming to common outcomes.

Throughout my life I’ve often assisted people in seeing the bigger picture without the use of Tarot cards, and made it my own practice to see beyond the obvious in order to manipulate (which isn’t the best word to use here) heavy energy into something lighter and more fluid, resulting in magical results.  So when my mom passed away, and I felt physical reality clamp down on me like the jaws of a wretched beast, my spiritual knowing went out the window.  Stuck within the confining labyrinth of my mind, I was unable to maintain my ability to see past the obvious.  It’s like a steel wall came between me and my power to reach for the quiet world beyond this one.  I was haunted within the walls of my own limited thinking, and it’s taken me nearly two years to get beyond it.

I can see again now, which is relieving (to say the very least), but I’m still ashamed of the way I handled my life during that heavy time.  It was tormenting to believe in my fears so fiercely that I behaved from that limited space, which was damaging and terribly draining.  I literally lost myself.  To be back in my wholeness again, after such a dreadful hiatus, is very grounding.  Plus there were lessons learned, and old traumas I faced, so it wasn’t an experience of complete failure.  It actually reminded me of my own humanness, which a humble experience of understanding that I’m not beyond this world.  I’m right up in it… and thank Goddess.  I wouldn’t want to be here without contrast and darkness for my own personal growth.  There was a consciousness expansion in all of this – for sure – but it was a terribly tumultuous way to wake up, and I hope to not go through that again, because believing in the realm of physical reality without insight into the spiritual reality is like being in prison.  You’re facing time in your own mind, which is hell.

Even using the Tarot during that time did not assist me into the greater picture of my life.  I could read for other people, but all I saw for myself was whatever was occurring right in front of me.  The cards were one-dimensional.  I believe my own soul must have cut me off from its Source, perhaps to wake me up in a way I’ve never been able to wake up before because I was so hyper-aware of the spiritual realm.  Even in my days of drug and alcohol use, I couldn’t get away from Spirit.  I often had out of body experiences, and rich insights through dreaming that I couldn’t drown out.  Whatever this experience was where I was so disconnected, was a deliberate act on the part of my higher-self.  At least, I feel it was.  Who knows for certain?  But the bottom line is that I took the journey willingly.  I knew I was just going through something, although completely in the dark, and I drudged through it like a prisoner swimming through sewage, moving toward their freedom.

It’s important that we remind ourselves in painful situations, that we are moving forward.  Life continues on even when we feel stagnant.  No matter what I’ve been through, I’ve always come out on the other side of it with rich insight, deeper understanding, and intense emotional and spiritual growth, because I know my life here is a temporary experience where my soul is expanding and expressing itself through the limitations of this reality, so I’m always having that experience.  I know what this place represents for me, but when it feels so real that you can’t claw your way out of your fear, try to relinquish the need to be somewhere else than where you are.  Allow your fear to consume you for a while.  Express it if you have to, like I did, even though it’s not a graceful way to be, because the way out of fear is shining a light on it, rather than buying into it or resisting it.

If you ever get into this confining space that I was in, or if you feel like you have lived your life believing that physical reality is REAL, rather than knowing that it is an illusion, then there are tools for you to bring you back to Spirit.  Children are a bridge.  The Tarot is a beautiful tool.  There are spiritual guides all around us, including nature.  Tap in.  Reach out.  Recall the deeper truths of this dense space that demands you of your time and resources.  This is your life, and your opportunity to wake up to your soul journey while you are here.  Don’t get stuck in the dramas of physical reality, or you’re completely missing out on the magic of your greater existence.








You Can Choose JOY Amid Bad Circumstances (Trust Me)

Let me get right to the point.  If you’re going through a difficult time, and you’re tired of feeling depressed, or fearful, you can shift it into a good experience.  You are the Author of your life, and you can control your thoughts.  Your thoughts directly affect your emotions, so if you’re a mindful person who has done a lot of work with meditation, or through learning to create your reality by how you think, this should be easy enough for you.  If you’re someone who has no clue about any of these applications, then I suggest beginning with the book that changed the entire course of my life.  ‘The Power of NOW,’ by Eckhardt Tolle.  Just go get it.  Read it.  Soak it up.

In 2007, after a devastating break up, I was desperately trying to find my way.  I was also a former Christian still trying to make sense of the Bible while applying the texts and lessons to my life.  ‘The Power of NOW’ sent me to my knees.  EVERYTHING I ever read in the Bible begin making sense in a way that I no longer felt disconnected from the teachings.  I began living them.  The words in the book simplified the teachings of Christ, and I have not been the same since.

Power of NOw

If you’re a friend of mine, I have a copy you can borrow, but I suggest getting your own copy to have on hand when you need a reminder.  I’m not getting paid to promote this book.  It literally saved my life.

With that said, here are my suggestions for moving through a difficult situation.  First and foremost, you need to feel everything you’re feeling.  Forget about everything you need to do, and take at least an hour, and sit with the hellish emotions.  Welcome them in.  Invite them into your experience like they are a guest in your home for a time.  Let any anger or sadness know that they are temporary guests, but for now… they are welcome to hang out.  Go through the pain.  Let it suffocate you.  Find gratitude around the fact that you can actually feel.  Feeling is INCREDIBLE.  It means your ALIVE.  If it’s anger you’re dealing with, even better.  Let the beast maul your being for as long as it needs to.  If it comes in waves – great.  Let it arise, and allow it to fall.  This is KEY if you’re going to get through anything emotional.

We tend to distract ourselves, drown out our emotions, or to ignore them while going through the motions of our lives.  The problem with this, is that you will never heal if you don’t allow yourself to FEEL.  You will continue attracting situations that bring up the same emotions until you actually experience your emotional body.  This is completely backwards from what we’ve been taught, but it is the truth.  Once you give attention to what is going on inside of you, physical reality will literally shift to reflect your healing.  I swear to Goddess.  It is the weirdest sh*t if you have never had this experience.  This life experience is an inside journey, not an outside journey.  The outside reflects our insides.  Ever wonder why you keep attracting the same kind of people into your life?  It’s because you haven’t taken the time to move through the emotions that these people evoke.  When people bring up emotions like anger, frustration, jealousy, etc., they are your cosmic mirror reflecting what you need to see in yourself in order for you to heal and become whole again.

Do not get this confused with toxic human beings who bring up negative emotions.  That is a whole different animal.  I suggest not being around toxic people at all.  They will suck your energy and send you on a downward spiral emotionally, and this doesn’t necessarily mean that you have toxicity inside of yourself to work on.  So, please don’t be confused about this.  Toxic people need to GO!  But if you seem to attract toxic people, then it is a good indication that you may be navigating from a victim space, instead of operating as a victor along your life path, so that’s something to be aware of as well.

Ok, so you took the time to sit with your emotions, and you may have had an experience where you feel an alchemical shift inside of your body.  For example – one time I sat with my rage for about three days straight, and on the third day, it alchemized inside of my gut into joy.  This is because emotions are like a color spectrum.  Joy and anger are two sides of the same coin.  If you sit with your emotions long enough, they will shift, or they will get tired of you shining a light on them, and they will eventually move through you until there is an open space of love and joy.  From darkness, to light.  

Once you feel like you’ve done the work with your emotional body, it’s time to work on your thoughts.  Pay attention to your thoughts without judgement, like you’re watching a film from a distance.  Don’t buy into them.  Especially don’t buy into your fear.  Let all the thoughts pass like a moving train.  Even if they recycle (which they will) – just keep allowing them to pass, while you move about your day doing whatever you need to do.  If you have time to nurture yourself, I highly suggest doing that.  Eat healthy, exercise, and spend time with friends and family who are uplifting.  If you work full time, you can do this practice at your desk.  You can also sit with your emotions at work.  Take a walk if you can.  Take a long walk in nature, and reconnect to the world around you.  The worst thing we can do when we’re going through a difficult time, is to isolate ourselves.  I used to do that, and I no longer do it because it just brings on more depression.  Being alone in nature can be extremely healing.  Or maybe you enjoy shopping more than you enjoy nature.  Whatever helps you feel connected.

Finally, you need to have a vision for where you want your life to be, no matter how bad things are right now.  You need to see yourself at your highest potential.  You need to imagine yourself surrounded by people who are healthy, loving, fun, and on the path of self-awareness.  If you have goals, it’s time to visualize yourself meeting those goals.  Write down where you want to be, what you long to have, and the kind of partner who would enhance your life experience.  Everything that makes you feel excited inside, is where you want to place your attention now.  This is so important for moving from depression into joy.  Be like a child and picture everything that makes you happy without any doubt, or without allowing negative thoughts to distort your vision.  Don’t be afraid to shoot for the stars.  Whatever makes you feel incredibly happy, is GOOD.  Just go there and keep going to that space until you feel like you shifted from a bad situation, into JOY.  NOTE: It is important to carry gratitude with you at all times.  Gratitude is one of the highest vibrations we can embody.  Sometimes we focus on what we lack, instead of being grateful for all that we have.  We need to remember to be grateful.  The universe gives us more of what we focus on, so if you focus on lack… guess what?

Finally – now it’s time to move in the direction of your goals and dreams.  Make it happen by letting go of everything that doesn’t add up to where you want to be.  You don’t need to let go of everything over night, but make small shifts everyday.  Take time daily to work toward your life goals.  Don’t stop having that vision for your life.  Keeping that vision in mind, will shift your attitude so quickly, even if you don’t see yourself getting there for a long time.  If you can’t physically make things happen for yourself yet, keep writing them down, create a vision board, clear your thoughts to make room for that vision, and speak in the NOW, as if you are already living that life.  You can manifest anything when you already know you have it.

Another side note:  I have a tendency to believe that I am supposed to dwell in the emotions caused by my bad decisions because it is irresponsible not to, and I have an old belief that if I don’t think about the bad things that could happen, I’m being irresponsible.  Bullshit.  Don’t buy into that.  That’s old paradigm thinking.  Let that go.  There are no rules.  We are the Authors of our life experience.  You don’t “deserve” to suffer.  At all.  (Unless you’re a really awful person who hurts other people, or animals.  In that case – suffer away, sucker.)

I’m going through a difficult situation now.  It’s been over a week.  I was so uncomfortable that I wanted out of my skin, but I decided to write a poem about my feelings instead.  Afterward, I cried, and then the rest of the day, I felt much lighter.  Channeling our pain through art is another way to move through it quickly.  The next day, I sat with my sorrow, and allowed it to consume me.  The third day, I reached out to friends – and friends just happened to reach out to me without even knowing what was going on with me.  I don’t know how it happens, but when we consciously choose healing over suffering, the universe opens up for us and gives us everything we need to heal.

Trust in the flow of your life.  Your body and soul (just like nature) is constantly in a state of re-balancing itself.  It’s up to you to become aware of it, and to flow with it, instead of against it.




Sharing the LOVE Through Tarot

Tarot Love

Yesterday was a huge success at the Fairfax Festival.  Today is going to be another huge success because people are drawn to the table, and I am drawn to offering wisdom through the lens of the cards.  People of all ages expressed excitement when they saw my booth, which was invigorating.  At times, I had a line.  For seven hours, I didn’t have any time for reading a book like I thought I would.

I have to admit though, a lot of fear came up for me about doing the festival.  Especially yesterday after setting up.  My fear told me that I wouldn’t have anyone come through my tent.  It told me that I would fail.  It told me to pack up and leave right then and there.  I sat there in my chair listening to my fear, knowing that it was a lie.  I know how much my mind lies to me.  It’s literally my enemy.

I showed up for my life yesterday.  I went beyond my comfort zone and followed the inner urge to put myself out there.  I even received the gift of a free tent from a friend who no longer uses it.  I couldn’t believe that.  I had no excuses not to do the festival, except for my own laziness and fear, which I didn’t buy into this time.  I trusted in the calling of my soul, and I followed through.  What I received in return was a steady stream of beautiful souls asking me for guidance regarding their lives.  One man left my table saying, “Keep doing what you’re doing.”  I don’t recall anyone leaving without a smile, or tears.  I had a few tears too, when my interpretation of the cards confirmed what my Querents already knew.

This was my first festival, and definitely not my last.  There is nothing like sitting outside under the sun, watching children play, and observing people enjoying themselves.  The feeling of community was incredibly powerful.  I can’t believe I spend half of my life in a windowless office when I could be outside soaking up the love.  “It’s not practical,” my mind tells me.  “You can’t make a living reading Tarot cards.”

You wanna bet?

While I’m busy proving my mind wrong, I’m also connecting with human beings on a profound level.  How often do you meet someone who immediately tells you all of their current life circumstances, while expressing their real emotions?  How many times do you get to see someone reveal their truth past the thick layers of their persona?  How common is it that we have the opportunity to relate to someone we just met in such a dynamic way that we both cry tears of gratitude for the connection?  Yesterday, I had two people approach my table who were going through a tremendous amount of grief.  I was able to relate to them because I recently lost my mother.  Another person’s card reading was so brilliant that I had to take a photo of his spread.

“I have never seen anything like this,” I admitted.  “You must be on an incredible spiritual journey.”

“Have you ever heard of the Hero’s Journey?”  He questioned me.

“Yes, I’ve written an adult fable about it,” I smiled.  “I know all about the Hero’s Journey.”

He went on to tell me that his entire business was based around The Hero’s Journey.  I can’t wait to look it up.  The man was beaming with light and love for life.  The cards reflected this like nothing I have ever seen.

Yesterday I had some experiences that I haven’t had before while reading people’s cards.  I received messages from Spirit.  I relayed the messages, as if water poured from my lips.  There was no fear at all while I allowed Spirit to flow through me.  Certain words came to mind, and I did not hold back in relaying them.  I felt incredible urges in my gut to share the LOVE from Spirit to these beautiful souls.  I’m becoming a channel for LOVE.  It’s amazing how much Spirit wants us to know that she’s paying attention, and that she wants us to thrive, and to tap into her, and to follow her magical guidance.  I have never seen so many faces light up in such a short amount of time.  I.  AM.  BLESSED.  Beyond words.

Today is day two of the festival, and I’m excited to finish this article, get dressed in my finest Tarot reading attire, and to show up for my life again.  I’m excited to receive messages from Spirit, and to relay those messages to my fellow community members.  Reading Tarot has been surprisingly nurturing for me.  I never thought I would actually run with it, but I am, and it’s leading the way…

Like following a rainbow to a magnificent pot of gold.

Namaste (and come see me today if you’re around the area),


Here is a link to my Hero’s Journey Fable, ‘In Lieu of a Dragon Tale’ – https://www.amazon.com/Lieu-Dragon-Tale-Modern-Fable-ebook/dp/B00QX9EF8U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1497194596&sr=8-1&keywords=in+lieu+of+a+dragon+tale